Martin Neumann

Why Perfectionism is Causing You Stress

July 2, 2023 by Martin Neumann

Perfectionism is quite a common character trait, that affects about 30% of the general population and increases to almost 80% among the gifted population. Besides being pretty common, perfectionism is also on the rise. It can significantly interfere with your daily life and your stress response, so it is important to identify perfectionistic character traits and find some way to deal with them.

A perfectionist has often some common traits with a high achiever. Both are people who are often pushing themselves to their limits and strive for excellence. They are very much goal oriented. But while the high achiever is celebrating his achievements, the perfectionist is only focusing on his failures, and that he missed hitting the mark he was supposed to achieve. While the high achiever strives to be the best he can be, the perfectionist just wants to avoid looking stupid because he has made a mistake. He is driven to give more than he can because he doesn’t feel to be good enough. Achieving more, looking perfect, and pleasing everyone becomes a way to define his self-worth.

Perfectionism is an effort to get a sense of self-worth through achievements. The problem is, that a perfectionist is never reaching the point of feeling that his accomplishments are sufficient or adequate, so he constantly feels bad about himself. Perfectionism is normally linked to limited self-esteem.

The cause of perfectionism is often found in childhood and could be caused by the following parenting styles:

Having overly demanding parents, that expected their kids to be close to perfect, sometimes responding to any kind of shortcomings with some form of punishment. The child internalizes that it is only loveable if it is pleasing the parents and doing everything just right.
Having perfectionist, goal-oriented parents, that children tend to model. Sometimes parents are praising their kids excessively for achievements instead of commending them for their effort.
Having parents that were not emotionally available for their children, and the child trying to get the attention of parents with outstanding accomplishments or thinking to get appreciation by being perfect.
Having dysfunctional parents that may not know how to treat their kids appropriately. The child may not understand the reason for his parents to be alcoholic or depressed or with some other mental problems and often sees himself as the cause of the problem. In an effort to help their parents to improve, the child may try to behave and perform perfectly, thinking this will resolve their parent’s problem.
Growing up in a chaotical home, some children try to create an environment of control and predictability that is lacking in their home, by indulging in some perfectionistic rituals.

Perfectionists tend to hyper-focus on even the tiniest flaws. If you focus on the things you’re unable to do perfectly, you may end up doing nothing at all, out of fear of failure. When a minor setback feels like a major personal failure, that’s when perfectionism becomes a burden.

A woman being distressed about a mistake she has made

Perfectionists believe they’re committed to excellence, but they’re actually avoiding feelings of inadequacy. They define their worth according to their performance but are never satisfied with the result. Perfectionists aren’t trying to achieve something great. They’re trying to avoid failure. If you’re a perfectionist, ask yourself why. What do you gain? What does it cost you? Do you take pleasure in being perfect? How do you feel when you’re less than perfect?

Being a perfectionist has several disadvantages:

You waste a lot of time. Some things don’t require a high level of attention. To spend more time than necessary is a waste of an important resource: your time. If success is important to you, allocating your time wisely is an important consideration.
It creates a lot of stress. When you see only one way to be successful at something, there’s no room for error. Perfectionists aren’t happy people. There’s a constant anxiety that can’t be completely satisfied.
You lose sight of the big picture. Bogging yourself down with trivial details can limit your awareness of the bigger objective.
You can’t relax until you feel that everything is done and done perfectly.
You’re never happy with your results. You might be satisfied, but you’re never happy.

A man typing on a typewriter and repeating the copy many times because of perfectionism

7 Signs That You’re a Perfectionist

There are some warning signs that could show that you have tendencies to perfectionism. If several of those apply to you, then you should work on your mindset and remove the root of perfectionism.

You take things too far. No matter what you do, you take it to the limit. Everything has to be done as well as possible, whether it’s folding the laundry, parking the car, or doing something more meaningful.
You long for your high school days. High school is perfect for perfectionists. The competition isn’t too great on average, and your achievements are witnessed by all. Your work is also clearly judged quantitatively. You know exactly where you stand.
You’re judgmental of others. Your standards of acceptability are so high that no one can consistently achieve them. If you find yourself with fewer friends than you’d like, your commitment to be perfect might be the primary cause.
You’re too hard on yourself. By the same token, you can’t live up to your expectations either. This leads to feelings of disappointment and shame. Are you more successful than most of the people you know, but less pleased with yourself than they are with themselves? Do you find it hard to be proud of yourself? Do you feel happy and proud when you’re successful, or do you merely feel a sense of relief?
You have a hard time accepting help, because you think you can do everything by yourself. And if you delegate something, you feel the other person does not do it right, so you prefer to do it for yourself.
You overthink any decision you need to make, to be sure you do the right thing. You spend hours researching your options, decide on the best, and still regret it afterward if you find out there would have been a better option.
You procrastinate excessively. The need to be perfect creates anxiety and makes it hard to get started. You know you’re in for a lot of work and self-induced drama. Under those circumstances, anyone would be hesitant to get started!

I guess you can see how a perfectionist is getting stressed out about any kind of mistake, because he is defining his self-worth by his achievements, and any mistake is considered to be fatal. If you are dealing with that problem, you need to find strategies to overcome your perfectionistic traits and define your self-worth in a healthier way.

A confident man having a healthy self-esteem

If you are a Christian, be sure to define your self-worth by the worth that your Creator has put on you. Be sure to internalize, that you have a loving Heavenly Father that takes care of you, no matter whether you have achieved to live up to your perfectionistic expectations or not. Take some Bible Promises to redefine your self-worth, like for example:

I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
Jeremiah 31:3

As you develop a new foundation for your self-worth, you can start to get more relaxed about your mistakes and enjoy the process of becoming the best version of yourself. Because you deserve it to put the self-constructed stress aside and live a more fulfilling life!

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7 Top Tips To Reduce Stress at Home

June 4, 2023 by Martin Neumann

Are you feeling the pressure at home? Do you find it hard to unwind? Stress affects us all in different ways and can be damaging to our health.

Fortunately, there are several steps we can take to manage stress, especially in the home. This is important as we spend a vast amount of our time at home, and identifying how to reduce stress in our home life can make other areas of our lives more productive.

The small steps we take can make a big difference. A significant factor in beating stress is to have a plan of action and not let it overwhelm you.

Consider these top tips to reduce stress at home:

Clean, tidy rooms make a difference

When you are trying to reduce stress, having a clean, organized environment can be crucial. Whether you clean once a week or spend some time each day putting things together, keeping your space free from clutter and dirt will positively impact your mood.

Having a specific space for your essential items and ensuring they’re within easy reach can enhance productivity and reduce stress.
Having a calm, clean space to relax and entertain can keep anxieties at bay and provide you with a safe, calming haven to retreat to.

Write down your thoughts

Sometimes our thoughts race and our minds become jumbled. Write down your most pressing worries in a journal. You could write about relationship concerns, money, or construct a to-do list for the next day.

Writing your thoughts down is a brilliant way to release your worries and organize your mind, so you can see things more clearly.
You’ll find your thoughts are less cluttered and you have more time to enjoy the present moment.

Eat properly

When we are out on the go, we can neglect our stomachs, grabbing a quick pick-me-up here and there and not paying attention to our nutritional needs.

Whatever your schedule looks like, take time in the home to cook meals. Plan nutritious meals rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and nuts.
The act of cooking alone can de-stress you, as you can have fun and focus all of your energies entirely on creating a delicious dish at that moment.
Cook with friends, your partner, children, or visitors you have for the weekend! If you take time out at home to fuel your body, you will fuel your mind.

Fruits - Photo by Karolina Grabowska from Pexels

Get a garden

You may think that you have already enough on your plate and do not need to add any to your workload. But getting out into the garden and having a workout digging at your soil can be very relaxing. And if you have no backyard, even putting some pots on your balcony or your windowsill can be a good start.

Spending time in nature can be very relaxing. Even if it is just a few minutes a day, find a moment to get out and take care of your plants. Watch like your tomatoes are growing, flowering, and getting fruits.
Enjoy the moment of being outside and involved in a different activity. Forget about the worries of the day and be present in the moment when you unleash your creativity in developing your gardening space. Notice the scents, colors, textures, and sounds around you and the calming effect they have on your soul.
Feel the satisfaction and accomplishment of harvesting some fresh and organic food that you have grown with your own hands. Start slow and with easy to care varieties and step up as your experience grows.

Create a relaxing sleep environment

Getting proper sleep is so important in controlling your stress. It gives your body and mind an opportunity to rest and rejuvenate. It regulates your hormones and improves your mood. Good sleep is extremely crucial for stress control.

Set up your bedroom to be a relaxing, peaceful environment. Get rid of any distracting clutter and distractions like TV. Your bedroom should be reserved for relaxation.
Create an environment conducive to sleep. During the night the room should be completely dark and silent, have a comfortable bed, and a temperature slightly cooler than the rest of the house. If needed, consider using eye shades and earplugs, in case you cannot create the environment you need to relax.
Limit your screen time before going to bed. The blue light emitted by screens can interfere with the production of melatonin. Avoid using electronic devices like Computers, TVs, tablets, and cell phones for an hour before bedtime and engage in screen-free activities that help you to relax.
Develop a relaxing bedtime routine. Involve in activities that are relaxing and signal your body to wind down. That can include a warm bath, relaxing music with candlelight, reading a book, having a chat with your partner, or drinking a calming tea.
Be sure to sort out your thoughts before hitting the bed, like resolving a conflict with your partner or paying an unpaid bill. If you are worried, pray to God and ask Him to give you peace and calmness.

Decorate your space

Get your creative mind in gear and turn your home into a tranquil paradise. Buy matching furnishings with the colors you love. Fill the room with plants and a few accessories that represent you. Even a few tweaks in decorating your space can make a huge impact.

We can’t always control how our workspaces look or the dull, joyless spaces we sometimes find ourselves in. We can, however, control how our abode looks, and this calming project can help you feel in control as you spruce up your space!

Separate work and home spaces

In a world where we’re increasingly working from home, one way to banish stress is to have a section in your home dedicated to work and separate areas dedicated to relaxing.

Avoid taking your laptop to bed with you or eating in the same space you associate with work. Keep them separate to keep your mind clutter-free.
Have set time for your work and know to switch off when you are in your free time.

There are so many effective ways to manage stress at home. When your professional life is stressful, create a safe, supportive home life where you can banish stress, unwind, and make memories that you want to remember for many days to come.

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7 Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Relationships

May 7, 2023 by Martin Neumann

Relationships can be a wonderful thing. They’re a chance to connect with someone on a deeper, more emotional level, and even discover new things about yourself. However, when you’re sharing your life with someone else, things can sometimes be stressful too.

7 Ways to Reduce Stress in Your Relationships

The unfortunate truth is that everyone will feel stress connected to their relationship at one time or another. You might be worried about approaching a complex topic with your partner, or you could be facing a challenge together, like an unpaid bill.

The key to success is ensuring that you don’t allow stress to take over your relationship. Instead, figure out how to work things out together, and you could make your relationship stronger than ever.

Here are some of the best ways to reduce stress in your relationship.

1. Listen

Lack of effective communication is one of the most common issues that many people encounter in their relationships. Either they don’t know how to approach their other half when they want to talk, or they don’t know how to listen when their partner comes to them.

The most important way to minimize stress and strengthen your relationship at the same time is to listen to each other. Recognize the symptoms of stress in your partner, such as moodiness, restlessness, or agitation, and ask them if they want to talk about it.

If your partner wants to talk to you about their stress, the important thing to remember is that you don’t necessarily need to fix their problem.

Most of the time, when your partner is stressed, they know you can’t handle everything for them. Instead, they just want an opportunity to vent and get some basic reassurance. Sit, listen, and only offer advice if asked for it.

2. Always Be Yourself

Relationships only work when people are honest with each other.

When you’re attracted to someone, and a relationship is just starting out, it’s tempting to try and build an image of yourself that matches what you think the other person wants. However, the reality is that it’s impossible to keep up with this charade long-term.

You’ll end up causing yourself a lot of additional stress if you attempt to be someone who you’re not.

At the same time, your other half is going to get the sense that something isn’t right. This causes stress for them because their mind will try to help them figure out what’s going on.

Ultimately, being honest will save you both a lot of stress and tension. If your partner doesn’t love the real you, it likely wouldn’t have worked out anyway.

3. Practice Self Care

Sometimes, the best way to care for a relationship is to look after yourself.

Stress is contagious. If your other half notices that you’re constantly stressed, they’re going to start picking up on that feeling too. Sometimes, this can lead to your partner becoming self-conscious, or feeling nervous that they’re doing something wrong. Even if you explain, self-doubt can linger.

Try to take care of yourself to avoid a buildup of stress in your life. Be sure to get enough sleep, do some daily exercise, and work on a healthy diet. Try to get your partner on board with that plan whenever you can.

4. Be Open in Your Communication

Communication and honesty are the pillars of a great relationship.

Most of the time, stress and arguments come from us trying to guess the thoughts of the other. For instance, if you notice that your partner is a little withdrawn one night, you might find yourself wondering whether it’s because you didn’t make their favorite meal.

Even if your partner tells you that’s not the case, if they don’t give an explanation of their state, the thought will grow larger in your head, causing feelings of resentment, anger, and upset. You start getting defensive, and that’s where arguments begin.

If you’re honest about why you’re acting a certain way, and explain your feelings to your partner frequently, there’s less room for assumptions to cause problems.

5. Use More I Instead of You in Communicating

Often we tend to enter the blame game by pointing fingers and accusing our partner. We can take off a lot of the pressure if we learn to speak more about how I am feeling about the situation instead of the mistakes that you are making. This is an important step to get out of that blame game, and it will help us a lot to get more cooperation from our partner.

For example, instead of blaming your partner: “You are coming home late again, and you do not even bother to give me a call!”, maybe you can reword that and say: “I am frustrated if I prepare supper for you and the food is getting cold. Can you call me next time when you come home late?” Instead of focusing on the mistake of the other, you are focusing on your own feeling about the situation, and you offer a solution, how your partner can help you in the future. Do you see how that can change instantly the climate of your communication?

6. Express Gratitude

Take some time to express gratitude and tell your partner what you appreciate about them. If you keep a positive mindset, it will remove a lot of tension and stress.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in negative thoughts and feelings, and more than often it is not more than our perspective of life around us. If you just take some time and express what you like about the other, and acknowledge their little acts of kindness, it can quickly change the atmosphere you are experiencing at home.

7. Stop Being Harsh to Each Other

Finally, if there’s one thing you can do to reduce stress and arguments in your relationships, it’s to give each other a break.

When we fall in love, it’s easy to place another person on a pedestal. We see them as perfect and believe they can do no wrong. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Eventually, you’ll begin to notice your partner making mistakes.

The important thing at this time is to let your partner know that, while you might be disappointed by the mistakes they made, you can get through it together.

Giving each other a break and forgiving your loved one for the things they do wrong is essential to reducing stress. Remember, you’re both only human.

Keep these ideas in mind. They can help you to reduce relationship stress on a daily basis and make your lives more fun and fulfilling.

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6 Symptoms of Chronic Stress to Be Aware Of

April 9, 2023 by Martin Neumann

Are you suffering from stress? Everyone has moments of stress from time to time, such as when you’re stuck in traffic, or you have a hard day at the office. But, for some people, stress can also become a serious issue.

6 Symptoms of Chronic Stress to Be Aware Of

Expose yourself to too much chronic stress and you’re putting yourself at significant risk of a range of health challenges. In fact, experts say that stress is directly connected to many of the main causes of premature death.((https://www.miamiherald.com/living/article1961770.html))

The good news is that there are numerous ways you can begin to manage your stress. However, before you get started, it’s important to be able to recognize the symptoms of stress.

Be aware of these red flags:

Tooth or jaw pain. Yes, stress does affect your teeth, more than you might think. If you’ve noticed soreness in your jaw or pain in your gums, then it might be because you’re dealing with feelings of stress.((https://www.guardiandirect.com/dental-care/6-ways-stress-affects-teeth))
- Grinding your teeth is often something that you may not even realize you’ve been doing until you get to the dentist, and they berate you for signs of bruxism.
- Grinding and tensions resulting from stress can cause extra strain and soreness in your jaw. If you do notice signs of discomfort in your jaw, check with your dentist to ensure that you’re doing everything you can to protect your teeth.
Your memory is getting worse. As your schedule becomes more overwhelming, and you end up with more things to think about each day, it’s easy to brush off issues with forgetfulness. However, if your memory is really letting you down lately, it could be because of stress.
- High levels of cortisol can impair the function of the hippocampus, a brain region crucial for memory fixation. Prolonged stress can even cause a shrinkage of the hippocampus.
- Paying attention to where you lose track of your train of thought could show you where you have too much on your plate. It might be time to slow down.
Your digestion isn’t right. Digestive health and stress are closely connected. You might have noticed during stressful periods in the past that you tend to have challenges with heartburn, diarrhea, and constipation. These are all common gastrointestinal symptoms of stress.((https://www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/the-gut-brain-connection))
- Your stomach will often churn and feel uncomfortable when you’re stressed because feelings of anxiety cause the body to produce additional digestive acid, which can lead to stomach ulcers.
- Stress can make your intestines more sluggish. That can easily lead to constipation.

A man sitting at the toilet because of constipation

You’re always thirsty. If you’re constantly suffering from a major thirst, it’s worth speaking to a doctor. Excessive thirst can be a sign of things like diabetes. However, you could also be dehydrated because of excess stress.
- First of all, increased cortisol levels will make your blood glucose levels rise, which causes dehydration since the body tries to flush out the extra glucose through the urine.
- Cortisol is produced by the adrenal glands, which are responsible as well to produce hormones that regulate the fluid levels in your body. If you suffer chronic stress, it can easily wear out your adrenal glands and cause a number of hormonal imbalances.
- Although upping your H2O intake shouldn’t cause any problems, it’s still a sign of a long-term problem that’s important to rectify.
Your muscles are sore. Sore muscles often happen as a result of tension. If you’re under a ton of stress, your body responds by involuntarily tensing up. This can gradually lead to more body pain over time, because your muscles aren’t used to being under that much strain.
- Excessive cortisol during chronic stress will increase muscle tightness.
- The same way you suffer from soreness from grinding your teeth, you could experience soreness elsewhere in your body because you’re placing more pressure on your muscles. A good massage or a hot bath might help in the shorter term, but eventually you’ll need to tackle the root cause of your stress.
Your sleep is messed up. If you’re having trouble with falling asleep at night, it could be because stress is making it harder for you to relax.
- It’s likely that you spend a lot of time thinking about the things that worry you when you’re in bed.
- If you suffer from insomnia, you will wake up tired the next morning, which increases your stress hormones and easily drives you into a vicious cycle.
- You might also notice that you’re having more odd dreams because of your stress.
- On the other hand, some people experience a desire to sleep more often when they’re stressed. This could be an indication that you’re not just suffering from stress, but that you’re having issues with anxiety and depression too. Consider speaking to your doctor about these issues, who should be able to offer some personalized guidance.

As you can see, it’s critical to your health and wellbeing that you learn to relieve stress. Make it a priority to take care of yourself by reducing your stress. And if you see those warning signs coming up that stress is getting out of control, you need to take immediate action to implement a successful stress management plan. Check out the Stress Management Tools to see how the program can help you to get stress under control.

13 Things You Can Do Tonight to Make Tomorrow Morning Less Stressful

March 12, 2023 by Martin Neumann

Are mornings a mad rush at your house? By the time you find matching socks for the kids and answer the text messages that piled up overnight, you may feel like you’ve put in a full day before you even reach the office.

13 Things You Can Do Tonight to Make Tomorrow Morning Less Stressful

You can make your mornings run more smoothly. With just a bit of planning, you can have better control over the right start of your day. Take a look at these suggestions for feeling more relaxed as you start each day.

8 Ways to Save Time in the Morning

Staying on schedule is for many the biggest challenge. These time-savers will help you streamline your routine.

Plan your schedule. Maybe you’re trying to cram too much into too little time. Figure out how much time you need for your usual activities. Then, you can calculate when you need to go to bed so you’ll get up in time and still be well rested each day.
Organize your space. Do you know where your umbrella is? Keeping essential items in their habitual place will eliminate searching for car keys or gym bags. No need to search the entire house for each item. Put them always at the same place, and you will find them in an instant.
Check the weather. Rain and snow may change your plans. Take a look at the forecast before you go to bed so you’ll be ready with rain boots or ice scrapers, and the proper clothing for each situation.
Prepare breakfast. Eating breakfast gives you energy now, and makes it easier to resist snacking on junk food later. Assemble your cereal ingredients tonight so you can get going in an instant.
Lay out your clothes. Hang tomorrow’s outfit at the front of your closet or on the back of your bedroom door. You already made up your mind on what you want to wear, so you just need to get dressed and get going.
Simplify your look. How many products do you use in the morning? Design a simpler skin care regimen and browse around for a low-maintenance hairstyle. Saving some time will make you happier on the end of the day.
Write notes. Save your brain power for more important subjects. Jot down reminders to pick up prescriptions or dry cleaning on your way to work. This way you free up your mind and nothing falls through the cracks.
Shorten your commute. Studies show that the length of your commute has a dramatic effect on your health and wellbeing. Moving or changing jobs is a big decision, but you may want to explore your options. If you’re looking for a benchmark, the average one-way commute in the U.S. is 25.5 minutes.

5 Ways to Make Mornings More Peaceful

However much you need to do, you can stay calm and focused. It’s a matter of attitude. These tips will help you enjoy mornings more.

Adjust the light. Light has a powerful effect on your brain. Darkening your bedroom at night will help you to sleep better so you wake up feeling refreshed. The opposite holds true for waking up. Exposure to morning sun will banish grogginess.
Skip the snooze button. Try placing your alarm clock across the room if you’re in the habit of hitting the snooze button. Those 10 minute fragments of sleep usually leave you feeling worse than if you get out of bed immediately. If you have troubles on getting out of bed, try a 5 second countdown and just launch yourself out of bed.
Play music. Spend a moment before going to bet to cue up a playlist of your favorite songs. Lively music will give you energy if you’re dragging around. Gentle instrumental music will soothe your nerves if you’re apprehensive about a job interview or business presentation. Having the right music around will get you into proper mood.
Download a podcast. Continue your education during your commute. Find a podcast that will teach you Roman history or the fundamentals of accounting. Or find some inspirational audiobooks. You will make better use of your time and arrive at work with an active mind.
Connect with Your Creator. Take a moment each night to be grateful for your day, reflect on all the things that had happened, and thank God for your day. If there is anything to resolve, do that right at this moment. You will sleep better if you have peace of mind. At the morning when you wake up, take a moment to commit the day into God´s hand. Meditate on a bible verse and you will conduct your day with a different mindset.

A few simple strategies can turn you into an early bird or at least make your initial hours happier and more productive. Starting the morning on a positive note will help you head off stress and feel calmer all day long. It will make quite a difference if you are off for the right start.

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Utilize the Power of Prayer for Stress Relief

February 12, 2023 by Martin Neumann

Stress is sometimes getting us unaware. We are suddenly facing a crisis and do not know how to handle it. Other times it will creep on us in small increments until we feel that life spins out of control. Stress will hit us harder when we are overtired, being sick or passing through tragedies. Few people think about prayer as a stress reliever when the schedule is tight. But a growing body of research shows that it could be a useful tool to get your stress under control.

Utilize the Power of Prayer for Stress Relief

Research on Stress and Spirituality

The link between spirituality and health is starting to get the interest of several researchers. In the forefront is the research of Harald Koenig, MD, associate professor of medicine and psychiatry at Duke University, who surveyed more than a thousand studies showing the link between spirituality and health. In his book Handbook of Religion and Health he found that people attending church regularly have 1/3 of the time of hospitalization compared to the non-active group. He also found that religious people have 14 times higher chances to recover after heart surgery compared to the non-religious group. These are just some of the impressive findings of the relationship between spirituality and health.

Dr. Roberta Lee speaks about the relation of prayer and stress relief in her book The Superstress Solution. She says: “Research shows that people who are more religious or spiritual use their spirituality to cope with life,… They’re better able to cope with stress, they heal faster from illness, and they experience increased benefits to their health and well-being. On an intellectual level, spirituality connects you to the world, which in turn enables you to stop trying to control things all by yourself. When you feel part of a greater whole, it’s easy to understand that you aren’t responsible for everything that happens in life.”

Practice Stress Relief Prayer the Effective Way

Not every prayer is equal. Some people just go through the motions without really feeling the liberating effects of genuine prayer. In order to be effective in lifting your load, there are some vital principles to include in your prayer experience.

1. Recognize a Power Higher than You

When you are in a tight spot, it is a liberating thought that there is a higher power taking care of you. Put things into the right perspective. Who are you in comparison to the universe? Do not think it is all your responsibility to save the world, because the world is much bigger than you can grasp. And don´t think your problems are the worst one within the universe either.

When you do not find a way out, you need to trust that you have a heavenly father who is able to take care of you. Some people are believing this religion thing is just for emotionally weak people who need a crutch in order to get something they can hang on to. There are a lot of skeptical people out there. For me, it is as real as it can get. When you are sincerely interested in experience the presence of God, He will have a way to show you how He is acting in Your life. I have experienced it over and over. And it is very reassuring to know that there is somebody bigger than you, who is able to help you out when you are in a tight spot.

2. Be Authentic

When something is bothering you, it is not the moment to recall a prayer you have memorized as a child, or recite 10 times the Lord’s Prayer. It is the moment to speak to God as to a friend. Be honest about what is bothering you. And you do not need to wait for the right moment, present your request to God as soon as you feel a need. Be very specific about what is your problem, if you are formulating it into words, the undefined and abstract is becoming something concrete that you can put a handle on. The Christian Author Ellen White expresses it nicely in her book Steps to Christ:

“Keep your wants, your joys, your sorrows, your cares, and your fears before God. You cannot burden Him; you cannot weary Him. He who numbers the hairs of your head is not indifferent to the wants of His children. “The Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.” James 5:11. His heart of love is touched by our sorrows and even by our utterances of them. Take to Him everything that perplexes the mind. Nothing is too great for Him to bear, for He holds up worlds, He rules over all the affairs of the universe. Nothing that in any way concerns our peace is too small for Him to notice. There is no chapter in our experience too dark for Him to read; there is no perplexity too difficult for Him to unravel. No calamity can befall the least of His children, no anxiety harass the soul, no joy cheer, no sincere prayer escape the lips, of which our heavenly Father is unobservant, or in which He takes no immediate interest. “He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3. The relations between God and each soul are as distinct and full as though there were not another soul upon the earth to share His watchcare, not another soul for whom He gave His beloved Son.”
E. G. White. Steps to Christ, p. 100

3. Pray With and For Others

Nobody is an island. If you can share your concerns with your friends then go for it. But instead of just be sorry and whine, use the moment to present your problems together with your friends to your Heavenly Father. Sometimes the faith of your friend can inspire you to take courage. It can relieve your stress if you can share your challenges and get some upbeat to put you on the right track.

Some other times you can pray for some of your friends, neighbors or even strangers you meet at the road. Praying for the need of others makes you realize, that other people around you may face even larger challenges then you, and your problem may not be that big after all.

4. Take Action

By now you have identified your problem and you have submitted yourself to the care of God. You see some light at the end of the tunnel, you have hope to get your life under control, but there are things that still remain for you to do. Maybe you need some rest, take time to restore your body and mind. Get for real with a stress management plan. Get your priorities right, examine your diet and exercise plan. If you are working through some loss or tragedy, you may need to give you some time to heal and restore.

There are moments we need to take action, and other moments where we need to be just quiet. Reinhold Niebuhr is expressing it quite on the spot in his famous Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

A man at sunset sitting on a stone at a beach, expressing serenity

Elements of a Prayer for Stress Relief

You need no model or script to follow in your prayer life, like you do not need a script to have a chat with your friend. But there are some elements that can make your prayer experience more meaningful.

Take time to talk openly about your life. Talk about the good, the bad, even the things you think are irrelevant to God. How are you talking to a friend? Are you worried that he is bored when you relate what is happening in your life? Probably not. So just take some time to be real.
Analyze your actions. What did you do right, where did you fail? Where did you hurt somebody? What do you have to get straight? Confess your mistake and take responsibility for things you did the wrong way. Decide with whom you need to reconcile. And ask forgiveness for your wrong attitudes. In 1. John 1:9 we have the promise: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” You will feel a burden being taken off from your shoulders, and life will get so much easier.
Surrender yourself to God. He is your Heavenly Father and will surely care for you. But sometimes His plans for you may be higher than yours. God says to you in Isaiah 55:9: “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts higher than your thoughts.” Trust that your Heavenly Father has the best intentions for you, and try to understand what He is trying to do in your life.
Ask God for help. Be specific on what is going wrong and what you need. And when you have surrendered it to God, rest assured that He will take good care of you. Maybe the outcome is not always like you expected, but sometimes it is even better than you thought.
Pray with Promises. The Bible is full of promises, and you can claim them within your prayer session. If you find a promise that applies to your situation, it is alright to claim it. If you are burdened with troubles, you can claim Mattew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke fits perfectly, and the burden I give you is light.”. Or you may like to claim Psalms 4:8: “I will lie down in peace and sleep, for you alone, O LORD, will keep me safe.”
Express your gratitude and praise. When we start to catalog the things we are thankful for, our list of challenges is less intimidating. It gets things into perspective. Life is not all bad, there are a lot of things to be thankful for. Look at the psalms. They are full of sincere talk with God, but they are also full of thanksgiving and praise. And it helps a lot to remember that God still cares for us. Remember how He has brought you through in the past, and you will gain courage to face the future.

Now you have a number of tools to make your moments of prayer an opportunity to release stress from your lives. Once you apply them, you adapt those principles to make them something meaningful for yourself. It is good to create habits. Start out right in the morning, surrendering yourself and your plans in the hands of God. In the evening spend some special moments to reflect on the day, what was good and what needs to change. And whenever you face a problem, make it a habit to turn it over to somebody higher than you, so you have less on your plate to worry about.

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